You know, if I had to choose between social anxiety and general anxiety, I’d choose social. Because social can be avoided. With internet, cable, books and lame excuses.
"Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry I missed your *insert reason for gathering here* but I had a *Circle One: migraine/stomach ache/food poisoning/accidentally fell asleep*. Can I buy you coffee sometime and make up for it?"
People with social anxiety can be shitty friends unless you’re ok with talking to them online more than you see them in person. Which you should be, by the way. I’m really lucky, because I do have some friends who are totally cool with me if I go “Listen, I’m freaking out about people right now. Is it ok if I miss this time? Can we just grab a quiet beer before?” Those kinds of friends are the best kind. Some people don’t get it, and it’s not because they’re jerks. It’s just hard for a lot of naturally extroverted people to understand SA.
While lovely excuses and distractions can keep Social Anxiety at bay, General anxiety, however, is unavoidable. I’ve had a hummingbird in my chest for the past three hours or so, and have no idea what caused it, specifically. Probably nothing specific. These sorts of things are usually what I have termed “Compartmentalization Leakage”. Meaning, the delicate house of stress cards I keep locked up sometimes gets a little hole in the box where a breeze comes in toppling the entire structure and then my heart races for most of a day.
I wish I could just not give a shit about a lot of stuff. My friend told me the other day “I wish I could give you my ability to relax for just a day.” and I was like “AWW THAT’S SO SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL AND PATHETIC AND SAD.”
I keep thinking I should work out really hard and see if that helps, but I’m so depressed about the fact that I’m feeling anxious that I’m having trouble forcing myself to do it. I will, though. Writing this blog has helped, and I appreciate you all bearing with me while I try and cope with the fact that I, apparently, can’t cope.