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General Anxiety

You know, if I had to choose between social anxiety and general anxiety, I’d choose social.  Because social can be avoided.  With internet, cable, books and lame excuses.

"Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry I missed your *insert reason for gathering here* but I had a *Circle One: migraine/stomach ache/food poisoning/accidentally fell asleep*. Can I buy you coffee sometime and make up for it?"

People with social anxiety can be shitty friends unless you’re ok with talking to them online more than you see them in person.  Which you should be, by the way.  I’m really lucky, because I do have some friends who are totally cool with me if I go “Listen, I’m freaking out about people right now. Is it ok if I miss this time? Can we just grab a quiet beer before?”  Those kinds of friends are the best kind.  Some people don’t get it, and it’s not because they’re jerks.  It’s just hard for a lot of naturally extroverted people to understand SA.

While lovely excuses and distractions can keep Social Anxiety at bay, General anxiety, however, is unavoidable.   I’ve had a hummingbird in my chest for the past three hours or so, and have no idea what caused it, specifically.  Probably nothing specific.  These sorts of things are usually what I have termed “Compartmentalization Leakage”.  Meaning, the delicate house of stress cards I keep locked up sometimes gets a little hole in the box where a breeze comes in toppling the entire structure and then my heart races for most of a day. 

I wish I could just not give a shit about a lot of stuff.  My friend told me the other day “I wish I could give you my ability to relax for just a day.” and I was like “AWW THAT’S SO SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL AND PATHETIC AND SAD.”

I keep thinking I should work out really hard and see if that helps, but I’m so depressed about the fact that I’m feeling anxious that I’m having trouble forcing myself to do it.  I will, though.  Writing this blog has helped, and I appreciate you all bearing with me while I try and cope with the fact that I, apparently, can’t cope.

*sigh*

35 notes

  1. misspilar said: Thank you for writing all of the thoughts about this that I haven’t been able to put into words.
  2. renaissancedork said: I know I’ve always enjoyed the occasional times we’ve chatted online. I am familiar with all the feelings you describe, and online is just fine with me. Also I live in Canada, so the commute for coffee would suck…
  3. losangelette said: I know exactly what you mean! I hope you can make it through the depression to get to the exercise (maybe you can find yourself an online exercise buddy, exercise together on video chat!), starting my fitness routine really did a lot for my anxiety.
  4. riot-meds reblogged this from geekyjessica
  5. evolet0680 said: I have friends who suffer from this and I adore them more so because they seem to be more—beautiful and real. They are also the best at putting up with my erratic, depressive, bi-polar behavior. It’s a mad world. And I am so glad you shared this. xx
  6. zellsbells reblogged this from geekyjessica and added:
    I recently (after years of anguish on the subject) asked my doctor if he could prescribe anything for my anxiety. I...
  7. uberdorkgirlie reblogged this from geekyjessica
  8. badinfluencespeaks reblogged this from geekyjessica and added:
    *hugs* and commiseration. I wish I had some advice or help, but gods help us all, I can’t really manage mine either. I’m...
  9. littlewillow said: A new friend recently invited me somewhere in the best way ever, with an understanding that I probably didn’t want to go but I was very much welcome to go, and I very much appreciated it.
  10. octobur-frost reblogged this from glitterghoul
  11. glitterghoul reblogged this from bmeaker
  12. bmeaker reblogged this from geekyjessica
  13. bookoisseur said: Do what you gotta do. Real friends will listen when you tell them you can’t handle it and will understand. *hugs*
  14. cacophony-of-noise said: Thank you. You put into words what I feel quite often, but can never seem to explain. I hate that feeling of almost panic, but not knowing why I feel like that. Thank you again. And I wish more amazing friends to have a quiet beer with!
  15. ravingsockmonkey said: I have had the same issues before, and one thing that has helped me was baking. It allows me to focus on one thing, and it’s something I enjoy. There’s a good end result too. Try that maybe?
  16. geekyjessica posted this
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