Alex Langley asked me to write a blurb on why I love TNG so much for his new book, a follow up to his “Geek Handbook”.  I am honored to be asked to contribute, and here is my answer:

When Star Trek: The Next Generation premiered I was 8 years old.   My dad was very excited for the premiere, and that made me excited.  Watching that show would be the birth of a life-long love of Sci-fi.  To my child’s mind, here was an amazing, magical show where anything could happen.  They had a magical play place in the holodeck.  Strange looking aliens were integral to the show.  You never knew what amazing thing they would encounter next week.

More than that, I loved Diana Troi.  Growing up in a small town in West Texas, I witnessed casual misogyny every day, even at my young age.  In elementary school, I was already battling with a society that considered boys to be stronger, tougher, and smarter.   In PE, I wanted to play soccer with the boys, but they would openly ignore me and never pass me the ball.  The PE coach didn’t understand why I didn’t just hang out in the shade and braid my hair with the other girls.  I was a very smart tomboy, but was made to feel inferior because I wasn’t pretty like my female classmates.  Even the teachers made me feel like I was too smart, and should probably not be so obvious about always knowing the right answer.  I wasn’t too young to see the annoyance on everyone’s face every time I raised my hand.  I didn’t understand what I was doing “wrong” because my parents encouraged me to be myself. 

Once per week, I would watch Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Tasha, of course, was tough and smart.  Beverly was brilliant and an excellent caretaker of the crew on the ship.

But Diana, a beautiful woman (whose beauty was rarely remarked upon and not once used as a tool) was a trusted advisor to the incredible Captain Picard. A bridge officer.  Simply for her ability to perceive, understand, and empathize with others.  That had a powerful impact on me.

For me, at such a young age, to see a woman in a very powerful, trusted position, not in SPITE of her “feminine” qualities but BECAUSE of them, affected me in a way I wouldn’t truly understand until many years later.

I will always be grateful to Star Trek: The Next Generation for giving me seven years of weekly lessons in not giving up, always making use of the gifts you are given in life, and NEVER trusting a Ferengi no matter what they say.

As women, we need to stop looking at other women and assuming they are dressing a certain way for male attention.  Every time I go out and there is a woman there dressed in a tight dress, or whatever, shaming starts immediately.  Not always to her face. But it’s there.

There seem to be people who think that we have control over whether or not we get objectified, and that somehow what we wear affects whether or not OTHER women get objectified.  That one woman wearing skimpy clothes gets added blame for bringing down women as a whole.

Look, objectification comes from OUTSIDE.  It is not in our control.  WHETHER OR NOT WE GET OBJECTIFIED IS OUT OF OUR CONTROL.   Maybe that woman in the short skirt really is only wearing it to get male attention.  Maybe you don’t like that.  Well, get over it.  You know nothing about her, her experiences or what she may be feeling.  Not to mention the fact that women get objectified regardless of what they wear.  I could go out with a paper sack on my head and some dude will still check out my boobs.  I could wear a garbage bag as a shirt, but someone might still look at my ass.

So what do I do?  How do I feel sexy, and dress in clothes that make me feel attractive, without allowing myself to be objectified? 

I can’t.  Because objectification will happen regardless of what I do or what I wear.

And here’s the real danger with this kind of thinking.  This idea that what you wear determines how others will treat both you AND others of your gender only serves to further undermine women and lay blame where there is none.   

Our ability to be empowered on our own terms defies those who wish to make us less than what we are.  Wear what you like.  Wear what makes you feel strong and good about yourself.  

The real work, ladies, needs to be done on those who objectify to the point that they no longer see that woman as a person, and treat her accordingly.  Your arguments, your finger pointing, your vitriol…rests solely on them.  Not the woman you feel is inviting it. 

You should be fostering confidence and empowerment in your friends, family and colleagues.  That is what will further the cause of equality. 

I believe in equality for every race, gender and sexual orientation.  I am proud to be a feminist.  And I do not believe that feminism should be one and the same with shaming, judgement and finger pointing.  Feminism and the road to equality should be empowering.  The road to equality IS empowering, when focused on the things like encouragement, education, and enlightenment. 

Keep fighting the good fight, everyone.  We’ll get there.